I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
