Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
