so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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