Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
