Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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