nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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