Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
