I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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