So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
