this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
farters have to be the big spoon...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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