im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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