I cannot find my penis.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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