I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
