Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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