ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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