I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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