even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
