you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We got so high we made milksteak
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
