Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
