You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
