I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
