Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dignity is for republicans.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
