my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
