Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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