8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
