I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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