she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
