he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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