I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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