she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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