He passed out mid-signature
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
