Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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