He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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