you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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