i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
