and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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