matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
this beer tastes like vomit already
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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