i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
