You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
