Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
