Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
