Fine. I'll sleep in my office
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
