That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
