Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
