i think i have herpe
just one?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
