I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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