i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
