went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
