he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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