ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
