The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
