Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
