My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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